Albert L. (Bert) Kuiper, age 74.
Kuiper, Albert L. (Bert) 74, Edina, died peacefully from prostate cancer on May 19. Services to be held at a later date with interment at Fort Snelling. Memorials preferred to NWA History Centre, Inc.
Published in Star Tribune on May 27, 2012
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Hello to all Bert's (and my) flying buddies,
I am in hopes that I am sending this information to the correct address. I would appreciate it if you can forward this email to the RNPA membership.
It is with heartfelt sadness I share that Bert died on Saturday, May 19.
I am operating in a fog and a world of woe. As a former music and english major, I tend to be wordy; technical writing is not my forte' but I shall try to be succinct. I believe that most of you know, over the course of the past many years, Bert had prostate cancer and endured ten plus different kinds of chemo treatments. He also had five different radiation treatments, the most recent being five weeks in February/March for lymphedema. Interestingly, on Feb. 9, I fell backwards down ten steps, landed with my full weight on my left heel and broke it in 20-30 places. What a turtle parade Bert and I were going to his radiation therapy! I was totally non-weight bearing for six weeks and, in what I now claim as an odd blessing, Bert remained strong enough to pick up and put my knee cart into the trunk of our car so I could drive him to radiation. Doing so gave Bert "worth," made him feel strong and my protector. I am better and while I am still swollen, hobble and have a distinct limp, I will heal (no pun intended.)
In April, we began the sad ordeal of hospice care. As pilots, you might appreciate Bert slowly walking down the hallway and through the upper level of our home, guiding his walker down the straight and narrow "runway." He also thought the hospital bed was pretty nifty and he worked the bed controls with the aplomb of a veteran pilot. It took Bert awhile to relinquish medicine dispensing to me, his lead flight attendant, but when he did, "we" got that under control and he was pain-free. Another delight for Bert was when a neighbor put a wood duck house on our deck. My brother wired it for sound and complete picture access both inside and outside the duck house. Bert so enjoyed watching the ducks lay eggs and his goal was to see the duck's hatch. Bert's other huge goal was to see Dane achieve his Ph.D. and defend his thesis. While those things were monumental in Bert's brain, obviously God had other plans.
On Friday, May 18, Bert was holding his own. According to the doctor and nurses, death was not eminent; for some reason, I thought they were being generous. Our neighbor brought over an incubated baby duck and Bert was able to hold it. He did not know it wasn't one of "ours." Too funny, also, wood ducks have claws on their little webbed feet. Bert was pretty impressed with that! Later that evening after I had given Bert his liquid meds., swabbed his mouth, put carmex on his lips, eyedrops in his eyes and lightly washed his face, he was trying to say something to me that I couldn't understand. Since he was never Mr. Patience, I didn't want him to become agitated and am amazed because out of nowhere, God told me to turn my face away from Bert and listen to him as though he was deaf. (As a flight attendant, I had learned sign language, did many flights with deaf people and could understand their vocal utterances.) Bert was saying "the Lord is my shepherd" from the 23rd Psalm, his favorite. His eyes brightened as I recited the Psalm several times. I hadn't played piano since December, broken foot and all, but asked Bert if he'd like me to play piano for him. Lord knows the many hours of our lifetime together he has listened to me play piano. He nodded his head and I went over to play the Lord's Prayer. As I did so, tears were streaming down his face. I finished the song, limped over to him, dried his tears and said I didn't want to upset him. He said, "no, go play." I played many of his favorite songs, soothing for both of us and then sat by him for quite awhile, holding his hand and praying out loud.
On Saturday, Bert slept most of the day as was the norm now. He was never comatose and I could wake him if need be. I was never far away from him all day. For some reason, and again only God knows in His mysterious ways, I gave Bert his medicine, did the eyes, mouth, etc. as I so often did and then said "I bet you'd like to hear the 23rd Psalm again." He squeezed my hand as I said it. Then I told him I was going to go play the Lord's Prayer again. We held hands a bit, then I folded his together and went to play the piano. The song is four pages long. As I watched him and played page 2, I thought, my, his breathing is so shallow ... this man I have been listening to breathe and snore for 38 years. On page 3, I was watching his chest more than I was my music. On page 4, I had tears running down my cheeks and my brain kept on saying watch for him to breathe, Cindy. I couldn't see his chest/diaphragm rise, but I couldn't be sure it wasn't because I couldn't see through my tears. I finished the piece out of reverence and honor, let the sustaining pedal take away the music and I hobbled over to Bert. I tried to find a pulse in four places and could not. I limped to a phone, called my wood duck neighbor and he and his wife came over immediately. With tears in his eyes, Dave told me he couldn't find a pulse either.
Bert was not afraid of death, but he was afraid of dying. The only person Bert and I have ever seen die in front of us was Bert's dad ~ way back in 1974. It was a horrible, gasping, gurgle, cessation of breathing only to breathe again and I know that weighed on Bert and caused him fear. I take great solace from the fact that Bert's death was truly peaceful. He died knowing he was loved and that he loved in return. Oh, my heart.
As I said earlier, Dane is currently in the throes of the culmination of his educational goal. Bert never would have wanted to interfere with that. Dane and I had many conversations about him coming home. Bert did not want to upset Dane's progress and he was always so very proud of Dane. For my part, I told Dane that there was no right or wrong in coming home, but that he should know whatever decision he made, he would have to live the rest of his life with that decision. In all honesty, I knew Dane did not need to see the shell of a man his father, his "Papa" had become. (I didn't want to see that either. So often in the past months, I had thought "Who is this person, so frail, so weak, so needy? Where is the vibrant strong man I married? Where is my husband, Bert?") I knew Dane's memory would be better served remembering Papa from the month Dane was home over Christmas. I am ok, Dane is ok. Bert knew Dane and I are both strong, intelligent people and he was ok leaving the two of us to help each other. We are, however, so very sad. Dane's last conversation with Bert was late Thursday/early Friday morning. All Bert said was "I love you" and all Dane said was "I know you love me and I love you too."
With Dane's dissertation upcoming, many family members having paid for vacations/flights, plus a wedding in early July, and the fact that, per his wishes, Bert has been cremated ~ we are planning a memorial service for Bert in July (no suits or ties!) and interment at Fort Snelling the following day. Ultimately, Bert and I will both be at Fort Snelling cemetery, how fitting ~ across the street from where he and I checked in at NWA for so many years ~~ and the cemetery is at the end of his favorite MSP runway. I have chosen a beautiful cherry-wood urn and his favorite Baron, 7774 romeo, will be etched on it. (My Dad took that picture from his little Colt and Bert joked at how slow he had to fly to allow Dad alongside him. Also interesting is that I was 8 months pregnant with Dane at the time the picture was taken.) As I talked with the cremation society person about fonts, etc., my brother Gordy (a licensed funeral director who is going to officiate at Bert's funeral and Fort Snelling) bragged about my calligraphy and how proud Bert always was of that. The end result of that conversation is that I am going to do my calligraphy regarding Bert and it will also be etched on Bert's urn.
As of now, my heart and my brain cannot yet write Bert's obituary. I know what Bert wanted and I will do him proud. I put a little blip in the MSP Star Tribune and am still contacting people important to Bert. It is so very hard for me when the people Bert cared about cry. If anyone is interested in attending Bert's memorial service, please either call me at 952-943-2249 or email me lucindalucerne@gmail.com and I will pass on the information. True to form for Bert, any memorials are preferred (tax deductible) to the NWA History Centre, Inc., 8101 34th Avenue South, Suite B-747, Bloomington, MN 55425-1642
Thank you for caring, thank you for sharing his love of flight, and thank you for your prayers and good wishes as Bert has made his final flight west.
Sincerely and with a very heavy heart,
Cindy Kuiper